Feeling Lost!

Just got back from my uncles place @ Simei.

here's alittle background of the family.

Family members are: Uncle Johnny, Auntie Lily, Jocelyn, Josephine and James.
They are the most 'holy' family i know and i always feel safe and secure when i'm at their house.

okay, now here's the deal.

I went over to visit, mostly for Chinese New Year purposes. It would be rude of me not to, as a nephew and all.

Anyways, everytime i would go over and we would catch up on issues and talk about god.

(Alan may understand what i mean)

I don't know if it's god's will, but everytime i go there, i am in some way, enlightened. My uncle and aunt would always share their thoughts about god and church with me. As a Christian, i am not the most devoted. I have not forgotten about god, i just don't worship god on a daily basis.

It's been awhile since i've stepped in to a church. My uncle never 'forces' me to go to church, but he will give me many insightful views and share his experiences with me. Example of issues we discussed today would be;

1) christianity is not a religion, it's a relationship with god.
2) don't go to church to for the sake of going, go to worship and open your heart.
3) not every church is perfect, as long as you feel comfortable then that is the church for you.

there are many more issues that he shared with me, though some are repeated from my last visit, but it's okay because it serves as a good reminder of who i am and what i should be doing.

I'm feeling lost. Everytime i leave my uncles place, i have this feeling but after awhile it's gone. Is it god's intentions to bring me back to him? is it god's intentions for me to change my way of life? is it god's intention to show me a new path? is it god who sent me to my uncles place? Perhaps...there could be many reasons.

There were numerous times that when i'm with my uncle at church and/or at his house, i would feel this sense of spiritual spirit. an example would be:

when i went to church with his family and there was a guest pastor. after service, we went up to get blessings. The pastor touched my head and started to pray, and the prayers he gave me were prayers of my past and present life. He asked god to forgive me for all the things i've done and all the sins i've committed. How would someone i never met before, know what to pray for? Everything he said was true and it touched me so much that i cried. It felt like he could read my mind, by placing his palm on my head. It was a miracle. I felt so relieved and happy after. I felt a spiritual moment with god himself. As if he sent a messenger to me, to tell me that i am forgiven.

This was not the first time, my uncle also touched me with his prayers many times.

Are these the workings of god himself? perhaps. I know i have never lost faith, but i just don't show it like many others.

My uncle, has never really given me anything, but he has given me something that most people can't - A moment with god. I thank him and his family so much. I know the only way that i can return the favor to him, is if i cherish and worship god.

I always wondered what my life would be like if i was part of his family. I come from a culture that isn't family oriented. I was always envious of my cousins to have such warmth and love within their family. Sometimes i wished i was part of that. Though i'm not, but in a sense, it made me who i am and it made me strong. Sometimes in life, we must forgo to gain something else. We can't have everything.

Perhaps, one day god will show me the path. I always feel like i should go to church, but i never do. I need to work on time mangement and commitment to worship. One day i'm sure i will follow the correct path and find myself with god again.


i'm out, peace!
and may god bless!