the past, present & future!

[Song] Justin Lo - Front Page News (Wicked track)


The past:

the past is the past, end of story. No use thinking about it, correct? well, that's what i always tell myself! but recently i can't stop thinking about alot of things.

first off, and most importantly, my friends back home. Yes, Canada will always be the place i call home, no matter where in this world i'll be. My friends back home, played the biggest part in my life and there are some things that i've done that can never be forgiven. I understand, truth comes with pain and hurts. I need move on, as do they, but it hurts to know that some issues will never be reconciled.

secondly, past women issues are haunting me, yet again! it the fear of rejection and fear of women is coming back. It's true that i am able to make a fool of myself whenever i please, but when it comes to women, i'm the biggest sissy of them all. Anyways, i was thinking about alot of girls that hurt me in the past. Thinking about it helps me become stronger. I know if i use these thoughts to my advantage, i will have the strength to move forward and i'll gain a upper hand in society.

Lastly, i miss all the fun my friends and I had. I always like to look at toronto's clubbing scene, just to catch a glimpse of what's happening and to remember all the good times we've had. I miss all the times, chilling, drinking, karaoke and so forth. They were times, that will never be forgotten!

Things, are different back home. People change, mindsets change and thoughts change. I know, even if i were to go back now, things would be utterly different. Though i really do wish, one day, i may see my friends once again. However, it seems it may be a long way down the road.

I gotta stop thinking about the past and start looking forward.

I must followm y motto: 'never look back at the past and never regret'

sometimes i forget and i need to keep reminding myself, just so i can fall asleep! sub-consiously, i guess i may never be able to let go.

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The present:

The present currently looks very bright. I guess because i see myself having a stable career, a future.

Though issues like money are blocking me from alot of stuff right now, i won't let it bother me. I know it's difficult to accomplish something without money, but i won't let it effect me emotionally. Times are hard all around.

the most saddening thing is that i don't have a campanion by my side. seems to me that i'm destined to be alone. Is it that hard? i believe i have many good points, how come no one can see it? i wonder...there must be something blocking me from happiness. Though life needs to move on, so if i'm suppose to be alone, then so be it!


Who knows, maybe in the near near future, something may come along? hm..
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The future:

I see myself with a stable career.

But at the rate things are currently going, it may be a long time before anything starts to settle in. I'm young, ambitious and clever. Many people are threatened by this, so i must work hard to overcome these obstacles. I must gain what i want and fight for what i believe in.

The only, that i can't see right now, is having a warm and loving family. The type of family that i didn't have growing up. It has effected me emotionally and mentally. it is because of the way i grew up and was raised that i am the person i am today.

I will not allow this to happen to my children in the future. Children need love and care, especially during their youngest ages. I will build the family that i never had. I will be the 'world's greatest dad', so to speak. I will give everything i can and everything that I, as a child, didn't have.

My future, looks 50/50, but i'm sure if i'm determined, everything wil work out perfect!

-


Though thios post is about the past, presnt and future, it seems that the only related issues are, love.

Why is that?

Am i unknowingly writing this because of depressing love issues?

my mind seems to be in more deep thought now, then before i wrote this post.

fuck!

I got myself in a mess! shit!

i'm out yo. peace!